Here is a quote worth repeating from Gary and Linda's book The Heart of the Soul "The medicine that your life offers you is your emotions and using that medicine requires you becoming intimately aware of your emotions."
Last month we spoke about the mind-body energy system, emotional intimacy and how compulsive thinking and physical pain are two MBP ( mind body protection) strategies. Today we again will delve into the wisdom of The Heart of our Soul focusing on a 3rd common distraction and qi disrupter; anger and how this reaction impacts our life process within our mind- body and spirit!
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This common reaction to life's unexpected detours seems like a tsunami these days.....
"The core cause of anger is a lack of self worth and each outburst of anger is a barrier to the exploration of emotions. Anger is the agony of believing that you are not capable of being understood, and that you are not worthy of being understood. It is a wall that separates you from others as effectively as if it were concrete, thick, and very high."
If we were to focus on the mass news we will be inundated with how anger plays a part in our daily lives. Underneath all this fury though is a sense of helplessness and pain.
Interestingly most of us feel a rush of energy that we perceive as a sense of power, when we react with anger, and yet underneath this we are experiencing something very different. Anger is not simply another emotion. It is a response to and a resistance of feeling what my ego perceives as an unacceptable type of pain. Gary Zukav elaborates.
"Anger to pain to fear - those are the first steps of the process that lead you to the core of them all. When you feel worthlessness you are terrified by your life, and when you are terrified by your life, you are continually in the pain of trying to shape your life as you think it needs to be. When the pain is acute, you cover it with anger."
The real threat for me was my not being able to distinguish, decode or discern the matrix of anger. The truth: I was frightened by my own and of other's anger. I tried denying and pretending that a situation ( did not happen ) or minimizing it ( no big deal ). I tried ,rationalizing (there is no need to be angry) and avoiding it (can't handle this). I also tried justifying ( I have the right to be anger) and dramatizing it ( everything is ruined ). None of these strategies worked because they did not direct me to the heart of the matter; that I was in pain. My inability to recognize the pain underneath the anger prevented me from making vital connections. This lack of connection with pain prevented the development of healthy communication both within myself and with others. When angry my ego views a circumstance or someone's behaviour as dangerous or threatening to my well-being. Compassion for myself and others, therefore is impossible in this state of separation.
I want to clarify that the focus of this blog is the egoic reactivity when feeling diminished. What I am speaking about here is the habitual response of anger when I do like what someone has said or done. I am not talking about when our lives are truly threatened. Interestingly, I have been in situations where I was in physical danger and my reaction was not one of anger.
So how do we learn to grow through this......
My life journey has taught me to not denigrate any emotion and anger has its place, as a wake up call to look deeper. My ego recoils when hearing that my anger is generated not from what others do, but a story generated from not getting what I want. However it is worth the archaeological dig, as unprocessed anger left me simmering till the lid blew off and rage and hate spilled out. These are two poisonous states to my well-being and the well-being of others. Thankfully I was able to allow this process to break open within the framework of the Living in Process community.
We can affirm the truth and here is a simple suggested declaration that we can practice.......
"I open myself to the possibility that my anger is my resistance to experiencing my pain, and my resistance to the world not being the way I want it to be."
This is what is waiting for us....
"You begin to melt into the tenderness of the universe and to do that, you must breach the defenses you have created to keep you from your emotions. The universe provides you with opportunities, again and again, without cessation, to move into the fullness of your power - into the unobstructed perception of your worth, value, and responsibilities. It is a fortress from which an individual who has no power does his or her best to face a frightening world. Then comes the fear that lies beneath the pain - the terror of realizing that you cannot control all that you feel is essential to your safety and well being."
My growing years were filled with anxiety and attempts to control my feelings and surroundings, so that I create what I thought was safety. I developed a distorted and constricted view of the world and my role in it. This obsession for protection became a driving force and I had little awareness of the extent of it.
Today it is possible to see how I had built defensives to try and make myself feel safe. I absolutely did not trust the world nor realized how scared I was; until starting the road to recovery. Only when I ceased the compulsive behaviours was there an understanding of how much distraction played a strong role in my life. Through learning to be present I could see that pain was covering up the truth. The fact was I had no control over what other people did, and this WAS a terrifying specter.
I love this ego illuminating passage...... Which would you rather feed: the Ego or our Soul?
Gary and Linda share "The assistance will take you where you need to go in order to release your anger: that is to your pain - the fundamental pain of the world not being the way that you want your world to be; the pain of insisting that the wants of your personality are more important than the needs of your soul. The circumstance of your life always reflects the needs of your soul."
Yes the old adage that we unconsciously create the conditions in our lives , so that we can heal. This is not always a welcomed understanding when there is pain involved. The good news is that this too shall pass and as we process the pain it will be transmute into a deeper level of consciousness in other words more compassion and peace.
Anger can be a cover up....
I have shared this in an earlier blog that anger's purpose is to cover up vulnerability. I liken it to the metaphor of "lions at the gate". These lions are there to protect what is inside. The difficulty is the ego does not do a great job of determining what is truly a real threat. Once you understand this particular MBP you no longer need to be frightened by the lion's roar. Instead I can thank them and then get the necessary support to deal with the pain that is underneath. The wisdom that there is something underlying my addictions and the inherent anger, aided me to seek the support of several communities. These communities of healing and recovery allowed me to move through my anger, fear and pain. The gift in meeting this these emotions and mental states was an emerging clarity and capacity to face life without numbing and distracting myself.
Permission to enter the gates fully ....
I am fortunate to have a community where I can feel whatever it is I need to feel, This unveiling of feeling and emotion has created a path for greater agency in my life. This agency reveals to me choices, which frees me from the conditioning from family and society.
I have a capacity to trust the process today. This trust is more important than any declaration of a mere belief. Trust when felt deeply is a visceral sensation that can lead to openness and wisdom. I relish the knowledge that I control no-thing and specifically not my feelings. This gift of trusting the process lifts the burdens of fear and worry. When I surrender to what is I can shed any focus on outcomes and come fully into the present. This is true empowerment: not to blame myself or others for my thinking, feelings, emotions and behaviours. I was set free to then experience true response-ability.
How does my practice fit in..... quite nicely!
Bodintuit allows for the emotional processes to be seen and felt.....those body signals that are painful may cease completely or shorten their stay when understood. The goal is not to get rid of all body signals but to understand their function. These signals are teachers alerting us to underlying conditioning. This awakening to the conditioning or programming was an extremely messy process and required disciplined practice. I just did not wake up one day with this mastered. However the wisdom that I have access to today was worth every effort. I see the journey as one of budding freedom and love today. Now all of these (MBP) strategies have become an ally because they distracted me till I was ready for something new. By honouring everything that is here in actuality means I reject nothing. This honouring allows me to experience wholli-ness in this earthly realm that I have unknowingly been seeking since I entered into this world.
This is what is available..... to step into our wholeness......
"You become a light that illuminates the darkness, rather than a voice that condemns it. You bring change where no change was possible. You provide what is missing. Your anger guides you into ever more effective ways of understanding, communicating, and caring. Become a gift to yourself and others. You step into your role as a soul on the Earth. Awake and aware, joyful and grateful, powerful and creative, compassionate and caring."
On my 60th birthday in June I sat outside with my foster kitty Rocket Man and greeted the day filled with gratitude. I put my hand on my heart and felt profound Thank-full-ness. This acknowledgement is an ineffable indebtedness to the universe for knowing that I am from the Light....made of Light and will once again continue my journey to the Light.
In a future blog we will explore further teachings illuminating other escape routes and the beautiful gifts that come from facing their undercurrents. Just as a swimmer feels and moves with the currents of the water we will dive into vacating, depression, workaholism, perfectionism and more.
Lets end with the incredible words of Martin Luther King Jr who demonstrated love when hate was being directed at him and many others.
"Love is the greatest force in the universe". Dr. King then describes how this force manifests "Hatred paralyzes life; love releases it. Hatred confuses life; love harmonizes it. Hatred darkens life; love illuminates it".
Let us reclaim this love that is illuminated. Light is made of love and we can follow this beacon to help reclaim our authentic power....the power that will set us free to be energetically re-stored on a emotional, mental and physical basis!
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